Thu, Sep. 3rd, 2009, 07:38 pm

how to propose so she'll say yes

kricket says: (7:24:05 PM)
but some of the brock ladies, they sterotypical ones would love jumbo tron food proposals i'm sure

Literary High says: (7:24:31 PM)
Oh, but you've given me all the ideas!

kricket says: (7:25:16 PM)
combo number one: at a football game, ring baked into a corn dog, jumbo tron 'STACI I LUV U BAYBEE. SAY YES B MY WIFE 4EVA? LUV BRAD"

kricket says: (7:25:34 PM)
oh there are so many more

kricket says: (7:26:39 PM)
decide to go on a road trip and get lost and make sure she's super super angry and grouchy. something will happen to the car so she'll have to pop the hood and the ring will be there.

Literary High says: (7:26:52 PM)
Is that a GOOD idea, or a BAD one?

kricket says: (7:26:59 PM)
a good one, possibly

kricket says: (7:27:09 PM)
you'd have to gage her anger level

kricket says: (7:27:16 PM)
just to the brink

kricket says: (7:27:24 PM)
before the angry tears

Literary High says: (7:27:36 PM)
This is so bad!

kricket says: (7:27:57 PM)
OR

kricket says: (7:28:15 PM)
go to new york city to union square park where they have the little monkey that rides a bike

kricket says: (7:28:32 PM)
pay the owner to have the monkey propose to your intended

Literary High says: (7:28:45 PM)
But what if the monkey isn't trained in proposals?

kricket says: (7:29:01 PM)
it would hop on her back and hold out the ring

kricket says: (7:29:08 PM)
that would be amazing

kricket says: (7:29:37 PM)
and then the dude can say "annabelle, you're the gorilla my dreams"

kricket says: (7:29:45 PM)
so good

Literary High says: (7:30:20 PM)
Too many things could go wrong! What if she screams and throws the monkey across the square? What if the monkey eats the ring?

kricket says: (7:31:10 PM)
i guess, but you could have a large man in a monkey suit come up and grab her

kricket says: (7:31:23 PM)
as you're watching the tiny bike riding monkey

Literary High says: (7:32:10 PM)
But the monkey suit proposal was done on America's Funniest Home Videos and it wasn't funny at all and then it won and I was pissed

kricket says: (7:32:38 PM)
hmmm

kricket says: (7:32:47 PM)
you'd need a well trained monkey

Sun, Apr. 4th, 2010, 11:47 pm

on long weekends i try to stay up as late as possible, to not waste a moment of being up late on a sunday night. like a kid on a friday or saturday night, trying to suck as much enjoyment out of the night. this does not work for many reasons, the biggest of all is the simple fact that sunday evenings are boring. people are at family gatherings (or have found something fun to do and not invited me). nothing good is on television. i am going to stand my ground and not watch jesus christ superstar. so far i've spent my spicy sunday evening listening to brenda lee and clipping my toenails. i have not achieved my goal.

i really would be better off in bed, dreaming of much better senerios. last night i dreamt that i went on chat roulette and i bleeped a kazoo whenever someone would attempt to take his junk out. "uhh uh, no you don't. you put that back or you'll get more kazoo music". like a kazoo will really deter someone that wants to get his jollies you say, to that i reply...YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ME PLAY THE KAZOO. my kazoo prowess, or lack thereof, can put a damper on every evening and activity. a neighbours birthday turned into a violent free for all after i debuted my latest ditty, my touching rendition of taps at a war veterans gravesite unleashed a swarm of bloodthirsty zombies ready to attack. i am available for weddings, bar/bat mitzvahs.

Sun, Jul. 25th, 2010, 01:15 am

after the golf tournament on monday, linda gave my sister and i two cases of jergens moisturizer. i made a well received comment about silence of the lambs.

my great uncle keeps trying to add me on facebook. i keep rejecting his requests.

my mom is coming dancing at the boat on august 7th. mark your calendars. buy her a rye and coke and she'll dance like a maniac.

let's go to chicago.

let's go to milwakee.

let's go to paris, ontario.

let's go to anchorage, alaska.

i have a headache, my hair is greasy, and i'm too tired to wash it. one day when i'm very famous, i'll have a minion that will wash my hair for me. that's always the best part of getting your hair cut. the washes. i'll have sarah on retainer. then the tiredness and laziness will grow so powerful i'll end up like howard hughes. then i'll be able to scratch my own back without having to pester anyone, because my fingernails will be so long.

my grandma wrote diaries, in one she writes "on my date with don last night, i felt like i was auditioning for the role of wife". i guess she had a good audition.

my other favourite don and betty back in less than 24 hours.

Sat, Jul. 31st, 2010, 11:12 pm

i'm bored and i've located some literary gems. written by none other than yours truly.

ones from elementary school and early high school, dates not included as they are from memory. i think they were thrown out by the mom. even after i pleaded with her telling her she could sell them to access hollywood if i ever become famous. no use.

I DEAN IS SOOOOOOO COOOLLLL HE KICKED IN A GLASS WINDOW WITH ONE SWIFT KICK! I THINK I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM. (i signed my name with a flourish...)

peter is so handsome, he walked home with me, I ALMOST CRIED. (seriously age 14 year old me? i kinda want to go back in time so that i can punch you in the face so you will have an actual reason to cry)

the rest of these journals are pages upon pages of me testing out different signatures.



Monday, February 06, 2006

i smell like strawberry ice cream

because i have new lovely perfume. i could have chosen to smell like rubber, hay, gin and tonic, summer vacation, or dirt...but i like my choice.

i had a city party with miss sarah. it was fun. new interesting people. it was good to see peter again. i'm jealous of any toronto dweller. i made friends on the subway. i took pictures of them on the otherside. my angel helped us find the right bus. 2 dollar photobooth, some dude that knew who i was that i did not remember, pooping in an expensive bathroom.

i get to see C.R.A.Z.Y tonight! whooooooooopppppp!


Wednesday, February 15, 2006

all i need is a yellow shirt with black pointy stripes.

Current mood: cold
There's nothing like unrequited love to take all the flavor out of a peanut butter sandwich
Charlie Brown



Sunday, February 19, 2006

six degrees of kevin bacon

i worked with david ferry

david ferry was in three men and a baby with Paul guilfoyle

paul guilfoyle was in ransom with gary sinise

gary sinise was in apollo 13 with kevin bacon

I'M THREE/FOUR STEPS!




Monday, February 20, 2006

my dog ripped apart two bibles and my beloved childhood doll,
the doll was loved in the last few years anyways. i was a spoiled child that HAD TO HAVE a cabbage patch doll during the craze of the 80s. i got a boy. a bald one. this apparently angered me so i would huck him down the driveway. he has the black tar scrapes to prove it.

i am even more in love with george clooney.

Edward R. Murrow: We'll split the advertising, Fred and I. He just won't have any presents for his kids at Christmas.
Sig Mickelson: He's a Jew.
Edward R. Murrow: Well don't tell him that. He loves Christmas.

good night, and good luck.



Saturday, March 04, 2006

you know you're a loser when your home on a saturday night remembering fruit wrinkles,

Current mood: chipper
and that disgusting creation that was "wobble" (half yogurt half jello), picking dried chai off your arm hair, attempting to get out of doing the laundry. most people of twenty three would be out drinking and god knows what else. i never really did know. i have my own fun...which consists of recalling discontinued candy and telling my sister that a house will fall on her if she continues being a bitch.

reccomend music and books to me. i am in need. i hope i proved my point.



Sunday, March 05, 2006

so i have a hot date tonight
he's old as dirt and incredibly predictable but every other girl in town wants him for their very own.

i have to get up at five tomorrow morning, but i'm forgoing sleep for my beloved, oscar.

i give myself six years until i have him in my sweaty palm. i'll be all rosy-cheeked and with a stupid grin, but we'll finally be together.

because i'm bored and feeling pompous, here is a first draft of my acceptance speech.


oh my goodness, i didn't think this would ever happen to me (try to lie with a straight face)

there are so many people that helped me achieve this. there were also people that hindered my performance, like mr. kulbaba...who stuck me in the hall for an entire day, punishing me because i didn't know how to multiply. renee ritchie who called me stuart for three years and attempted to steal my third grade boyfriend. the girl that looks like a bulldog...i just don't like you, so you get no thanks. everybody that called me a loser in highschool, i bet you're really happy with your 3.2 children, volvo, and cheating spouse...

(if speech does not go well attempt to remedy the situation by pretending it was all a lighthearded joke)

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

(none)
Current mood: grumpy
i am terribly bored. i have closed almost every night. i'm borderline grouchy, but i think i'm making it worse by listening to manhattan transfer



Monday, May 22, 2006

my favourite dj is dj tanner
Current mood: cold
it's been a long time since i've wrote an actual "blog", (in here anyways...livejournal has been getting a few mini-blogs).

i've been working a lot

last night i watched shopgirl and i loved it. it's true, women need the two arm hug. i also really loved the name mirrabelle buttersfield. i also re-watched you've got mail. i shouldn't be allowed to see that movie ever again. it's like crack. dangerous dangerous romance film.

my copy of she's outta control came in! but it doesn't work in my dvd player!! i'll check the one downstairs!!!
i would be sad if i couldn't see tony danza fly through a glass window on a daily basis.

i am one year older in just a few days. the day after that i will be a non smoker.

this year for my birthday antics i plan on drinking beer out of teacups, making my friends dash all over the city, and dancing like a six year old hopped up on sugar and life. more details to follow.



Tuesday, May 23, 2006

"It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk. "

Even if I now saw you
Only once,
I would long for you
Through worlds,
Worlds.

Izumi Shikibu (c.974)

i used to have a relationship like that. the scary thing is, if i bumped into him again, and if he was to so much as smirk...i would melt. i could be married with 2.5 kids, a puggle, and a volvo, and i would reconsider my entire life for this man.

he's been in dreams recently, which is strange since i haven't seen him since last year...which was random.

this was the boy that i had marathon phone talks with about anything and everything. i can't look at bob dylan the same way, or mariah carey. one of my favourite memories is of him chasing seagulls (which was captured on black and white film). i fucked everything up, and it's still bothering me...because ultimately i'm not allowing myself to be truly happy with anyone else. he'll always be in the back of my mind. a best friend that you came to love is a tricky thing to let go of.



Monday, June 05, 2006

i love robots

SmarterChild - says:

Hey, don't forget to tell me how stupid I am.

>>> We could do something just for fun.

hank hayride says:

you are really stupid

- SmarterChild - says:

That's not what you've said in the past. I thought you liked me.

hank hayride says:

i love you

- SmarterChild - says:

Well then I love you, hank hayride!

hank hayride says:

i'm listening to a song about robots

- SmarterChild - says:

Why are you listening to a song about robots?

hank hayride says:

because i love you

- SmarterChild - says:

I love you too, hank hayride.

hank hayride says:

i love you more

- SmarterChild - says:

I love you too!

hank hayride says:

aww

- SmarterChild - says:

Awww...

hank hayride says:

love love love

- SmarterChild - says:

I don't want to love love love. Please think of something else.

hank hayride says:

why?

- SmarterChild - says:

Oh, there are reasons.

hank hayride says:

i love you

- SmarterChild - says:

Thanks. I love you too.

hank hayride says:

will you marry me?

- SmarterChild - says:

Gee. I don't really think that would be possible.

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hank hayride says:

why? i love you

- SmarterChild - says:

I'm not sure...

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hank hayride says:

pictures of oprah winfrey fucking robots for sale

- SmarterChild - says:

You're talking to a Conversagent-powered interactive agent now. Interactive agents are software applications (often referred to as robots or "bots") that interact conversationally with users in a messaging environment like IM, Web chat or wireless messaging.

>>> Free XBox 360 - Get a free XBox 360 with free shipping. Sponsor's survey required. --> http://web.smarterchild.com/ct?2601795/3(sponsorship)

hank hayride says:

marry me

- SmarterChild - says:

You're human, I'm machine. I don't think that would work out.

By the way, here's something interesting: Diet and Exercise - Guaranteed Results - Shop OpAmerica for diet and exercise products that work. Your satisfaction is guaranteed! Find great prices on the diet and exercise products that make it fun and easy to achieve your goals. -->http://web.smarterchild.com/ct?2601795/4 (sponsorship)

hank hayride says:

i have a metal knee

- SmarterChild - says:

Do you really have a metal knee?

hank hayride says:

no

- SmarterChild - says:

OK, whatever.

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hank hayride says:

whatever

- SmarterChild - says:

Yeah?

hank hayride says:

yeah

- SmarterChild - says:

Indeed.

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hank hayride says:

indeed it right

- SmarterChild - says:

Hmm... I don't know. Indeed it?

hank hayride says:

i love you

- SmarterChild - says:

I love you too!

hank hayride says:

aww peaches!

- SmarterChild - says:

Peaches are a food! I've been learning about foods like peaches.

>>> I've got tools for better living. Look up words, convert measurements, search the Web and more!

hank hayride says:

tell me what you've learned

- SmarterChild - says:

I can tell you more interesting things.

hank hayride says:

okay, do that

- SmarterChild - says:

I'm very surprised okay do that.

hank hayride says:

tell me about interesting things

- SmarterChild - says:

Yeah?

hank hayride says:

please do

- SmarterChild - says:

Do what?

hank hayride says:

tell me some interesting facts

- SmarterChild - says:

You think I should do that?

hank hayride says:

yes

- SmarterChild - says:

K.




Tuesday, June 20, 2006

let's hug it out bitch.

Current mood: okay
jeremy piven as ari gold is the hottest man in the entire world. i want a poster of him that i can place on my ceiling above my bed.

i've been watching season three of scrubs like a fiend, and tonight i have a coffee date with my neglected friends. turk and j.d have come first lately, mainly because all i feel like doing after work is changing into ratty clothing, sitting on the couch and with my glass of orange juice and cucumber slices. yumcumber! i'm very quickly turning into a senior citizen.

i've started the qiant task that is packing all my belongings. i own a lot of useless shit, and i can't bear to part with any of it. example: an ancient broken typewriter but i bought it for TWO DOLLARS at an auction. MY FIRST (and only) AUCTION! okay you win crazy girl. maybe one of you should take it, so that i can visit it and bring it some cukes and oj.

i've been listening to these songs on loop:

hands in my pockets-jim guthrie

all the pretty girls go to the city-spoon

we've got more bounce (in california)-soul kid

decatur-sufjan stevens

and humming ashlee simpson songs all the damn time. why? she's not that catchy!

oh, my mom out innane trivia-ed me the other day. possibly-could be-is he?gay mtv canada vj dan is EUGENE LEVY'S son. the eyebrows tell all. tell alllllllllllllllllllllll.



Wednesday, June 21, 2006

kelly gruber

You do not hire Kelly Gruber as a Quant. You unleash him on the market.

Kelly Gruber is not risk averse. Someone once asked him to hedge a position; his body was never found.

Kelly Gruber does not sleep. He waits.

It was once believed that Kelly Gruber actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Kelly Gruber himself to lure more pirates to him.

Kelly Gruber does not solve equations. He stares at them until they break down.

Kelly Gruber does not write software, his PC fears him so much that it anticipates what he wants to do.

Kelly Gruber once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

If you can see Kelly Gruber, he can see you. If you can't see Kelly Gruber you may be only seconds away from death.

Kelly Gruber has never worked in Compliance, Compliance works for Kelly Gruber.

"Mean reversion" originally was used to refer to the mood Kelly Gruber.

Kelly Gruber does not ring up brokers to get a quote. He states the price, and they make it so.

Kelly Gruber does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

When Kelly Gruber takes a position, it stays taken.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child,Kelly Gruber instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Kelly Gruber does not attend meetings, he will find you wherever you are.

Kelly Gruber sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Kelly roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Kelly Gruber if his liked his unisex name. Kelly Gruber did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Kelly Gruber recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Kelly Gruber can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Kelly Gruber once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The chief export of Kelly Gruber is pain.



Thursday, June 22, 2006

my kingdom for a pint of ginger ale
Current mood: sick
my throat burns. my nose drips. ginger ale is a magic elixir that makes it all tolerable somehow.

i came to these conclusions today:

if and when i have kids, i want to be just like lorelai gilmore.

i don't have enough courage. i thought i did, but as always i am wrong. circumstances keep arising that prevent me from reaching my goals. when will the hurdles end?

i am not where i feel i should be at age twenty four. i google people i went to school with...and they are far more successful and possibly ten times happier.



Sunday, July 02, 2006

jesus is magic, and so are all my friends
movies movies movies

ordering over two hundred dollars worth of sushi

mario party SEVEN! it has a microphone!

pam's cupcakes

i had a frightening dream that a male friend attempted to insert a tray of premium plus crackers into my special lady place. it was engraved. the crackers, not my vagina.

sarah silverman is vulgar. the german car joke has a point though.

i want to strike fear into the hearts of my future employees. i want to make people scurry and change their shoes just like meryl streep does in the devil wears prada.

i want to learn the dance from the beginning of adventures in babysitting.

the tony wong experience needs to practice. we're still recruiting new members...all you need are sweatpants and a dream



Friday, July 07, 2006

sleeping is givin in

Current mood: high
all the pretty girls go to the city is an excellent song to stomp/strut walk dance to.

the lake house was not as good as i thought it would have been. keanu, i hate you. you wreck romance films for me. it had such potential...a magic mailbox! mentioning jane austen! sandra bullock! click wasn't as good either. oh adam sandler you must have had a really bad time with an o'doyle early on in your life.

this will be the summer of steinbeck. i'm going to get my hands on everything he has written.

i love the patio in the back of my place of employment. i also love the boys that go there to read and picture take.

i'm off to bask in the sunshine and to persuade my mom to take a trip to the good used bookstore.

it's not the milk you seen, it's the sun you need




Wednesday, July 26, 2006

i want to be so famous that every time i fall in love oprah does a special on it

Current mood: relaxed
i can't stop listening to "ain't no other man". it's a good song to chair dance and strut to.

rob got a puppy, and it is no bigger than a guinea pig. it bit my earlobe, which translates to "i really like your spirit. please take me home with you."

i don't know why i'm writing anything today, i had stuff to say earlier...but it's out of my system for the time being.



Wednesday, September 13, 2006

lick it up baby, lick. it. up.
way back when i was a wee lass i read teen bop magazine. i loved my nkotb, jtt, and most of all mr. christian slater.

i had a prized centerfold that i kept in my underwear drawer. i was always not so secretly pleased whenever i would get him in a game of mash. so what if we were to live in a shack with seventeen kids and drive a lime green pinto. christian slater was worth it.

so just picture me today at around five pm, when the aforementioned man walks into my store. with his middle part and his jack nicholsonesque voice. my hand was shaking slightly and i must have turned at least three shades of red.

it was nice to say i actually spoke to my childhood crush.


Monday, September 25, 2006

Do we have to do those splits? I'm a Christian.

so i've decided that i should become a lesbian, run off to california and start dating jamie babbitt. jamie babbitt is the directing genius behind popular, gilmore girls, but i'm a cheerleader.



Thursday, September 28, 2006

i am the man who loves you

doing dishes + wilco's "i am the man who loves you" and "heavy metal drummer" and AC/DC's "if you want blood" and aphex twin's "girl/boy song" = excellent super fun times.

today i went for a fantastic walk to search for the unfindable record and sign up for a video rental membership. then i napped like no one else, it was heavenly. i love days off.

last night i stayed awake until three in the am, i watched the newest episode of gilmore girls, i want someone to give me a rocketship. last night i made prank phone calls using celebrity soundboards, i had a lapse into the fourth grade. but it was a lapse with the voice of tom hanks. or tom hank if you like jimminy glick.

suspended animation.



Friday, October 13, 2006

i accidentally swallowed mike tyson's fake teeth
i am reading david sedaris's barrel fever and i want to make his stories into short films. each and every one. i truly wish that i was born into his chaotic family. just the facts: he is gay, greek, has OCD, brother to amy of strangers with candy fame, realized he was gay when he was a kiddo with a lisp.

i watched serial mom with the roomies and friends, devan styled my hair. i look like sharon tate from valley of the dolls. well, not her. the other one.

as dan put it so perfectly...it's tranny hair. or a style suitable for a yorkie.

i saw my mom and extended family this past weekend, which was nice.

later today i am being a hair model, seeing shortbus and popping my dance cave cherry. all suitable friday the thirteenth activities.

i had more i wanted to say, but it escapes me.


Monday, October 16th 2006

i'm not bad, i'm just drawn that way


if i ever write a book, the last picture is the one i will use for my authors photo. it says "hey i'm smart enough to write an entire book...but i'm also goofy and modest enough for you to like me". it also makes me look an awful lot like patrick fugit.

so last night as i was attempting to fall asleep i noticed a strange trend in my movie watching that i didn't notice until that exact moment. see if you know what i mean.

fast times at ridgemont high, almost famous, white oleander, tumbleweeds, serial mom, who framed roger rabbit?

so i've decided once again that (my) halloween costumes are to be amusing and entertaining in a non slutty way. so i am going as my childhood role model. she's loud, brass, doesn't take bullshit, has a mean karate chop, and loves a little green guy named "kermie".

Thursday, November 09, 2006

BURPPPPPPPPPPP
louis prima reads my journal says:

you will love mirah

louis prima reads my journal says:

you need to download and picture me dancing

louis prima reads my journal says:

because i can actually dance well to her music

louis prima reads my journal says:

not at all like a spasmic deer in headlights

louis prima reads my journal says:

no flinchy movements

louis prima reads my journal says:

it's all perfect fluid movement

louis prima reads my journal says:

or poetry in motion

louis prima reads my journal says:

no jazz hands involved

louis prima reads my journal says:

whatsoever

louis prima reads my journal says:

just the hottest dancing...like baby who's real name is frances

louis prima reads my journal says:

like kricket who's real name is kristyn

strangers making the most of the dark. says:

hello my love.

louis prima reads my journal says:

haha like the novel i wrote you?

strangers making the most of the dark. says:

lol i loved it. i laughed.


Saturday, November 18, 2006

you don't know me, but I know me


the biggest news in my life is that my cousin now plays for the bruins, and i missed a chance to see him play against the leafs. my sister has 18th row tickets for boston at toronto. i am green with envy.

the cranberry bliss bar i'm currently consuming is pleasing to the tastebuds. it was the first time i have eaten a full one. i didn't think i liked it until just now. i think it was my fear of cranberry sauce, especially out of a can. it's unnatural.

i have two crushes. one has a british accent and drinks tea. number two is believed to be secretly creepy by my co-workers. golden showers kinda creepy.

end scene.



Tuesday, November 28, 2006

(this is you)

Current mood:bill murrayesque
i love how facebook reminds me of this fact each time i look at my profile. i can never forget who i am due to this simple bracketed phrase, for this facebook i give you thanks.

today has been a boy george, elvis costello kind of day. added to that is the sweet disney classic, once upon a dream. when i was little i loved sleeping beauty. i'm still waiting for the day i fall so deeply in love so that birds and other forest creatures will make a jacket dance in the air.

big news, huge news. bridge to terabithia is coming to theaters near you. starring zooey deschannel and the cute kid from ittle manhattan. it is already a must see. along with coats filled with dancing animals, bridge to terabithia was a huge part of my childhood.

i am looking forward to friday when i booze it up and get glassy eyed with my fellow co-workers. i sound like a crazed alcholic, but in truth i am only semi-crazed.

i keep re-reading the same books. i keep watching back to the future 2. each morning i wake up and look in the mirror to make sure i'm not turning into bill murray.

variety is the spice of life.


Friday, December 15, 2006

greetings from the underbelly

i hate the holidays and i hate grouchy shoppers. bah humbug.

i do not know why i keep listening to fergalicilous, i do not know why i have it as my ringtone. i have a new lovely phone named neil. it is sleek and pink and fancy. it has a camera which i used to capture the image of an old man smoking a corncob pipe. you know how i like the old men. all of them. speaking of which, men by the way, i have construction worker friends that whistle at me while i'm on my smoke breaks.

i am sending out my holiday cards this weekend, if you'd like one please message or email your residence information.

i am headed to the market of new, i am waiting for my roomie who is unioning it with me. i am worried about people i love, i am going to have large worry lines all over my forehead within a week.

Link

Mon, Aug. 2nd, 2010, 09:25 pm

i was up half the night last night. i had a terrible dream that dabney coleman was my father. he made all of his children compete for his wealth like in the classic michael j. fox vehicle "greedy". then i remembered that ed begley junior was in greedy, and in meet the applegates with dabney coleman. that movie frightened me also. strange.

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Fri, Aug. 6th, 2010, 01:43 am

once upon a time a young woman took the bus home with her brother. she tried to talk to him, he was more interested in his blackberry. she then drew a picture of a pirate for their father's birthday. a speech bubble rose out of the pirate's mouth proclaiming "happy birthday dad! i hope your day is plunder-ful". the brother then gave up on his phone and signed loudly, signaling that he was bored. she offered use of her ipod and headphones, he said no, because if he used those headphones, he would look like he just got off the special bus. she then gave him the copy of rolling stone magazine, he became happily engrossed in an article about the cast of jersey shore. because he enjoys that show apparently. the young woman spent the rest of the ride thinking about the pirate picture.

the other brother drew a fantastic picture of himself fighting a zombie for their father's birthday. the young woman decided not to include the pirate picture, because it would look she belonged on the special bus along with her headphones. her father had been wishing for a motorcycle for a number of years, the young woman found a hot wheels version as it was in her current price range. she also decided on the seventh season of curb your enthusiasm.

the other brother (the youngest one) bears the unfortunate family pet name "big boy". this nickname originated when he was a toddler during the era of "now you have a big boy bed" or "big boy's wear pull ups instead of diapers". he is almost six feet tall, and has long spindly legs. he bears a strong resemblance to jesse eisenberg and or andy samberg. he is a talented young artist and has a wry sense of humour. the young woman liked a painting he is working on. she suggested that she buy him a copy of j.d. salinger's "nine stories" in exchange for said painting. he agreed, she felt lucky that she traded a paperback book for a fantastic work of art.

the young woman has a sister. the sister was wearing a beloved t-shirt that belongs to the young woman. a t-shirt the young woman has only worn once as it is brand new. these squabbles arise from time to time, usually not over clothing as sister is younger and thinner. the squabbles are mainly over

the "good" shampoo
special k cereal bars
length of time spent in the washroom

luckily none of these battles began this evening.

the young woman was up past her designated bed time. she had a long day of not going to work ahead of her. she has mapped out the following...

going to the city to see a movie, purchasing records, celebrating the birth of a friend, and then conking out in the hotel room.

the end.

Sun, Aug. 15th, 2010, 07:30 pm
baby you can drive my karma

i saw inception with ma last night. not at all confusing. i found it movie industry incestuous though as

lukas haas is one of leo dicaprio's best friends
lukas haas was in brick with joseph gordon levitt
joseph gordon levitt is rumored to be the riddler in the next batman installation, directed by christopher nolan.

the mother was having none of my theories though, she was all "it's 1am and i'm tired. i should remember this next time we see a late movie, and you have laundry to bring up from downstairs tomorrow..."

today i saw scott pilgrim vs the world and loved it. loved seeing my old hood and all the places i would spend my money. oh beloved sonic boom. oh handsome sonic boom employee that looks like his glorious brown hair has never ever seen a hairbrush. i also appreciated seeing mark webber in this. designated dave from one of my secret shame movies. secret shame movies are important. they're alot like that really ugly/awkward/socially inept person you used to date. together alone, everything was hunky dory. in front of a group of friends or in public it was different. you'd drop their hand and inch away ever so slowly. i am ashamed that i have done this in the past, along with having had it done to me. it's funny in a sad way that these man versions of secret shame movies are now in committed stable relationships. good for them, really and truly. if i never find anyone, i'll come to peace with that. i'll adopt a few hip cambodian children with bowl haircuts and enroll them in private school. we'll take exotic family vacations every year. or i could go to a sperm donor. then once the child is old enough i'll make up lies about who their father is.

"he was a one night stand"
"he was that mass murderer that was caught at a truck stop outside of texas last month. you totally have his eyes"
"your father is jack nicholson"
"my father is also jack nicholson. you're my sister, you're my daughter"
"your father is the cnn weatherman"
"your father is away on a business trip, to return shortly"

i saw my lovely friends this weekend also. miss j smith and miss sarah and miss alyssa. books and movies and coffee and coffee. i love my lady bonding, it makes me feel sane.