murtaugh

my heinous next door neighbors are having a pool party. first off, i'm not bitter about the lack of invitation. i've never spoken to them, i have no right to expect one. they're yelling and splashing and blasting kenny loggins, train, and rihanna, and it's quarter to one in the morning. this is not melrose fucking place. it's a quiet residential street, where many people get up at five am...and have not had the luxury of an uninterrupted afternoon nap. i am twenty eight years old, and i've had my share of raucous pool parties (thanks dad), but i manage to respect the surroundings.

"The Murtaugh List", a reference to the Roger Murtaugh character from the Lethal Weapon series, whose signature phrase is "I'm too old for this shit".

This. This. This. Lately this has been my mantra. I am so darned ready to call it a night when the clock strikes twelve (some nights ten). I honestly thought I would have had a different life, and been a different person at age 28. Years ago I believed I'd have a husband, a child, a home, and a digital cable system of my very own at this age. I would have had left my children with a bookish high school student so that husband and I could have a quiet dinner and peruse of a bookstore, and return with my liquor cabinet unraided, the children snoring quietly. The basset hound, James Brolin, happily ripping apart the slip cover on the couch.

I moved back home with my mom to save for said house. I have an obese cat named Boo Radley, that craves attention like a child would. Things have manifested themselves in unusual ways. Ways 10-13 year old me would have gasped in horror at, screaming at me that I should have continued dating my ninth grade boyfriend. He was such a nice guy the voice squawks, HE LIKED JAZZ! He knew how to use cutlery properly, was not a former addict, AND RESPECTED HIS MOTHER. I know I made the right choice, as I found spending time with him comparable to talking to my math teacher, but yes, he was a great guy. If I had stayed with him, who knows, I could have all of the typical grown up accouterments, but they wouldn't be honest. I would feel like I was playing the part of happy housewife. And if I was playing the part, I wouldn't truly be happy. With this butterfly effect style of thought, I could end up stashing mommy's little helpers in childproof containers all over the house. I could also end up cavorting with Phillippe, the cashier at Whole Foods. Good thing really, Whole Foods employees can be pretentious assholes, and I've never been one to self medicate.

one of the good things about living back at home is the amount of reading that gets done on the bus. just started "the bishop's man" due to it's amazing giller winning-ness, also because i saw a panel discussion on cbc a few weeks ago and it looked interesting. also finished "the washingtonienne" which was a very easy, entertaining read, comparable to eating a big bowl of salted chocolate icing. apparently, if you have a tell-all sex blog (jessica cutler, diablo cody) you will get a book deal. what about all the prudes? belee me it's not all "i'm gonna knit a toilet paper cozy and then eat rice pudding while watching youtube videos of suze orman"... or something like that. 

true story

today an angry asian woman called for a co-workers direct extension. i politely advised that we do not give them out without consent to do so. her reply you ask? 

FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK IN YOUR VAGINA. 

The Jessica You Never Knew

I've known many a character in my life, but I have never felt close to a fictional character since I picked up a copy of Sloppy Firsts in 2001 and was plunged into the insecurities, witty and bitingly honest observations of Miss Jessica Lynn Darling created by Megan McCafferty. At that time in my life I felt like this book was written just for me. I felt alone in a Clueless Crew, had one word conversations with my father, a perfect blonde (younger) sister, and a period that had been M.I.A for at least a year and a half.

I was living near Buffalo when September 11th became a day the world would never forget, I took comfort in Sloppy Firsts during this time and when it was written about in the second novel Second Helpings, I remember feeling a strange sense of "I was immersed in your life when that happened". As dorky as it sounds, it felt like a friendship. When something epic and earth shattering happens people remember the what they were doing on that exact day, I was reading about how Hy couldn't get Red Bull at the Superfoodtown that morning. (As a Canadian, I thought "What the heck is Red Bull?!! We didn't get it until 2005...just like mobile phones and the internet...har har)

Sharing in her romantic entanglements like a friend would, from the "every girl's been there crush on a boy who doesn't know your name" to the love of her life Marcus Flutie, hit close to the bone. As Paul Parlipiano turns out to be gay, I took comfort in the fact that it happen(s)(ed) to other girls, I have journals full of crushes on men that as I later discovered, did not worship the va-jay-jay. I haven't found My Manilow connection yet, the person that is the equivalent to my own best friend. I can only hope that it is messy and real like the love Jessica and Marcus share.

I have shared in her life for eight years, I have shared the chapters of her life with close friends and strangers at the bookstore. I am saddened by the fact that the final chapter is quickly approaching, but I feel privileged that I was able to find a very real fictional character that I could watch grow and mature into one of the best friends I never actually had.

www.meganmccafferty.com

gail leary

this entry is dedicated to adam dalton-wyatt, we had a lovely conversation about ghosts just now. i won the conversation by a landslide because i believe ghosts are clever and crafty and resourceful. and i have amazing haunting blueprints created for when i am a ghost. 

i got a haircut today and now i look like the philandering tv anchorwoman who birthed darling dawson leary. puffy bangs mostly, they will be corrected in time i am sure. 

my exploits have been non-existant and not very entertaining. 

i am at my dad's house for dinner, i brought my children holga and diana and we will make delightful light leaked pictures later on. 

gosh gee willikers. 

read anything by melissa bank, she is great. 

listen to silver jews, they are great also. 

will you be my neighbour

one of the reasons i love toronto is the happening upon people you know. constantly. last saturday i saw: starbucks scott, my cousin james, keane, carly, and the forever lovely suzanne. 

i am in newmarket again visiting for family day, i presented them with vintage valentines that i found on the street back in july. i want to get this for my future children: 

asking for permission to download music from a scarcastic 16 year old is not fun. remember that. 

sharing

http://www.sexypeople-blog.com/

i have this, one day i will be toned and be able to do the soul man perfectly. 

ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUVoG1RfCn0

i also have a film called "the baxter" which i've been waiting to see for awhile, found in giant tiger for 6.99

i have been catching up on big love and californication and entourage.